Silence can be deadly...just sitting in it..getting lost in it...silence can be very loud

Dreary day

Its cold dark and boring today...I get anxiety just sitting around

My loves

ever feel this emptiness inside...? as if you have unanswered questions,and noone to answer them for you. i have ventured on this new path of marriage and new jobs and am very content in all of this. yet something is missing..perhaps me. maybe i am whats missing. i do just to do and live to just live..never actualy doing what i want or living how i want to live.. i choose to just write without worry of proper english or impressing anyone...i write as it flows and as it comes to my mind so if u feel the need to read this and correct my sentences or thoughts..please do not continue to read... new thought: i have found this amazing man..he loves me inspite my flaws and i know i have many...and ill list them if there not obvious: im moody..bitchy..selfish..i have anxiety,depression,panic but i also love with everything i have..i listen and give as much as i can...and he loves me and maybe he helps me be calm and loving and less selfish..and i can never possibly thank him enough for that...new thought: i thought id be living this amazing life(not that my lifes not great)a i mean this meaningful..rich travel the world kind of life.. and it can very well be the outcome of my choices I've made as to why I'm not living that life..or it can be unrealistic dreams I have that stop me from getting there. I really have no answer, I draw bc my mind tells me I enjoy it..and I'm pretty good at it but I don't have that consume my brain love like I used to for it..and I wonder where it went????????? New thought: I live to love and love to live..I will continue my thoughts in this blog and maybe by the end it will all make sense...maybe not